…….

 

………..yesterday ,during reading  some articles, I find this one…

 

……..the author ,some journalist , interview  woman – fugitive from the invaded country. The middle aged woman despite she lost her home, belongings and work, beam out peace and inner light, what in such situation seem absurd. Amazed journalist asked that woman what can she suggest what to do in moments when person lose heart, gone faith his/her strength and all what left is- anger?

the woman’s answer was:

"Calm down your breath and mind. Imagine the grave stone, on which between dates of birth and death you can see the thin short line-this line is humans life. Celebrate your life-your existence-in rain or shine and each moment, cause life is most supreme value and opportunity you  have! "

 

….somehow this thought don’t leave me and come back in my mind again and again several times…it is not cause I feel bad or feel depressed…no, I am OK….I can’t explain way…

…………may be…. cause it is worth to think about it…

…………

I tray to enjoy summer and hot sunny days 

as much as can…

drive aroud

as much as I can….

see something new

 as much as I can …

feel alive and happy………..

……….as much as I can……..

 

 

 

hope you do the same……..

………..

To be yourself

You must first

Let your selfe Be…….

……..

From the outside nothing looks out of place
I’ve got a superhero costume and a happy face
And if you ask you know what I’ll say
“Everything is fine, it’s great, I’m okay”

I’ll throw a party for my fair-weather friends
Just don’t look now there’s a big, black cloud overhead
And if you ask you know what I’ll say
“Everything is fine, it’s great, I’m okay”

……………

I’ll be taking comfort in strangers
Because the little lies we tell aren’t really dangerous
You say “How ya doin” and I’m on trial
‘Cause I’ve been caught red-handed in a stolen smile

I could be rude, I could be vague
I could be quiet
Or look you right in the face
As I lie, I say, “Everything is fine, it’s great, I’m okay”

                              

                                             I don’t want to bring you down………

                               /Author unknown/
I look around the spaces and feel like stranger here…

                                                       feel sad and melancholoc…

unperfect… perfect….

        ….one more day and all this mad run will be over – this phrase is one with I tray to encourage myself

is it really so or is it only illusive hope that I tray to believe…time will show…

.          …so …tomorrow finally will be my course work presentation day…don’t know if it will be success or  total failure…I hate public presentations- they make me nervous and sick… I start worry and get in panic and cant think logic during them….oh..I wish it will be over soon…

         My theme is< psychological aspects of perfectionism> in context of creative mind ,talent, gifted, stress and depression…

          Till now everything goes perfect..I have great course project supervision….fantastic professor…I send her my work with some doubts cause I know that this only one small outlook on this phenomena and there is so much more things there to look and describe here…this person is the first one in my life time who says that I must stop and that this is ENOUGH…amaizing…in all my life  no one never say me such thing and noone can tray to stop me…usually there is not enough.. and people expected more and more…from childhood I remember these phrases like ..<You can do it better>, or <may be you can tray more> etc…at least one person say that it is ENOUGH….

           ……in appraisal my work was very highly rated -I have 10 points of 10 possible… besides they surprised me saying that they don’t want loose contact with me and they want me to made publication  about this theme in professional psychological journal (there is place where publications are by persons who already have degree-I am only student) so it is very high assessment of what I had done…

            …. the work(the part of it) is done…am I happy? ..I don’t know…I know that this work took too much energy, time and practically is all with what I live last three month…(I dont have material in my languag so all material i must read and translate from english…that makes this workdouble hard)…I know that I am tired and started have health problems according it…all I know that I must take a break and that I cant follow live in such way..yes I know that I am perfectionist and there is very hard for me  to stop …but I must switch to something else if I don’t want loose my health and break my mental system (lose that part what still remains cause the other part is already lost)…so I must be rational girl

     …………….cross fingers …the final cut will be tomorrow…………….

…….

 

I hope you all

enjoy spring ,sun

and are happy …..

I hope be back wery soon…

Can you read mans mind???

Episode 1

It was the beginning of last year…I don’t remember directly the month and the date..I remember only that it is grey  morning ..I was at work..there is no work at the moment  and I was sitting and watching people passing by… my thoughts are ramble somewhere I don’t remember exactly about what I was thinking …. honestly I don’t feel very good that day…there are many people passing by  …my attention attracts one men……when he passed by he looks at me and  our sights met ..he looks at me inquiring and strange …he passes by and after  a while I forgot about him…  some time later…maybe it was half of hour maybe more… I saw him again… he comes back … this time I see he comes straight to me….I thought he cant find something he is looking for..(there is rather big place and sometimes people cant find that office or shop what they are looking
for and usually they asking for help)…he stopped at my desk…I waited that he asks me something but he don’t do that..he looked at me and gave me flowers…I was  totally amazed….I definitely know that I never met this person before and that I see him first time in my life…I asked him "way me?" and he  answers "I look in to your eyes and see there so much saddens….If something was going wrong I wish that soon everything will be good with you. I want you to be happy" …that is all what he say ….he turns around and went out ….I never meet this person again…. 
 Episode 2

that was few days ago… I was going to work..the day was beautiful warm and sunny, the people passing by looks  happy and well rested…I was tired and unsatisfied according my self..i was spend all free time at PC writing these papers whole month.. i feel the life passes by… the spring comes..I don’t notice that process..I just recognize only the fact ….i don’t participated i was standing outside of all..the life goes by without me…..feel myself as tired , disappointed and ugly freak on the background of the life’s stage …

When I cross the street I notice few people crossing the street before me… strait before me the street cross very well dressed, tall  physically well built man…when i finish crossing the street the man suddenly turns around and look at me and ask me in English… can i help him..his English was perfect without accent..he looks intelligent  …he don’t seamed like he was lost in city ..he definitely knows where he was going..so I ask how can I help him…he asks :"Can you read mans mind?"I answer him that I am not sure about that but  how can I help him…then he say that he dont want me to think that he is  crazy but…. he  want to meet me and can I agree meet with him…….I don’t expect such question……I was totally shocked …….I thought that i know people rather well and this one is definitely not that type of man who used to to make acquaintance in the streets and definitely he is not one of adventurers…what let this man act in such way? I ask him :" There are many perfect woman around..way me?"…He looked at me , smiled and say :"Cause you are very beautiful woman" (oh…minute ago I thought that I am the ugliest and wort freak in all city )……………

how it ends?….probably I make wrong choice this time… but who knows …may be right one…simply..I let him go…

 

This recent episode calls in my memory  the first episode what took place time ago….these two episodes  comes in my mind and don’t go away ..not cause these facts what happen there are remarkable(they are remarkable I cant deny but the reason way I cant stop think about them are another) This is  this irrational behaviour of thous mans…I cant find the rational explanation of they spontaneous acting …in both situations their   behaviour is definitely not characteristic to such types of personalities… it is impulsive and not ordinary not only in social level but in theyr personal level too…………..way really they act so?

                  …Can I read mans mind??? .. ..DEFINITELY NOT..

                   some things in mans mind seemed absolute mystery to me…