Impression collector….

 

Birthdays…

when I was a child I wait them …I wait for gifts and wait them cause I want grow up…I think when I will be adult I will be really happy and I can do everything I want…idealistic thinking ….but if we look back and in memories find that child you had been time ago and tray to recall what he/she thinks…I think almost all thought in similar way…

when I grow up I see that adolescence is not the paradise..that the happiness what seem so desirable is not so big as it was in my dreams and I have so much duties and responsibilities then if I managed create  some little place in all this  only for myself.. I feel really happy…and then one moment I reach the point that I don’t like birthdays cause I realise that each year I  become older and older…I want to stop the time but it is not possible…

as I remember myself I start hating my birthdays approximately when I was 16 years old…I want to stop time but i realize that it is not possible…each birthday was more or less depressive time for me…

I have 2 colleagues who are much older then I …they’re birthdays are before mine…talking with them I find out that they have the same depressive feeling according this event..so it is not only me who feels in such way… 

 the 7 of October was my birthday..so I will started to prepare to depression…

…different persons celebrated their birthdays different…some are celebrated it with family…the most traditional way is party with friends…

someone suggested me that i must make party and it will be great…may be it will be.. but when i think about this idea i find out that i don’t have so many close friends what i really like to party with..also when I look back all birthdays are equal…way I must make such party ..i have opportunity see all whom i want to see when I want to see them without party …or simply parting with them without reason…way i must act in this  way? ….

in my thoughts I go through all things and dreams and wishes what i ever had and for one or another reason postpone them  cause it was Utopian or seamed unreachable at that moment… what I really want?..and then somehow  really crazy idea comes in to my mind…Can i give myself birthday gift- a journey   to the place where I wish to go for years…way not? The decision was made……..

So………. I gone to Spain…may be sounds not normal but I celebrated my birthday in Barcelona..it was something different then birthdays I had before…so many fantastic things sights impressions…I feel free and happy I enjoy happiness of being…see so many beauty, meet Manfred (Bluebird) in real life,thanks him I see Sitges -piece of paradise-fantastic place near the see…first time in my life  I see the mountains..it was breath taking sight …I open myself up to world…I  realize that I spend years digging up myself trying to find out reasons of this or that ..but solution is so simple…all what I need is to open myself to world and simply enjoy..I let myself be and enjoy life in all colours and forms…this was the greatest birthday what i have since my childhood….I don’t regret not any moment of this trip…I was very very happy..and still I have this feeling….sometimes is worth to do something crazy to realize that it is worth to live…

 

P.S. Manfred, if you ever read this ..I want to say big THANK YOU for all what you do for us and for your gift -your book is wonderful , you gave us opportunity to see more beauty in your country..thank you from all my heart…

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